Today I felt so very slow. I’m not ashamed to say I spent the better part of the day watching movies next to Bobby the English Pointer in John’s studio. I just didn’t want to move or go anywhere. Sometimes I get like that.
Later, when I finally got up, I went to my studio and made this big gold, beige, and blue painting full of circles. Abstract is still hard for me. My Escapist sister Paula Hawkins who is wise and wonderful said abstract is so hard because it contains our emotions. I suppose it’s an act of magic.
So then, if I have worked on pouring my emotions out on canvas and on spinning them into circles, why do I feel at the end of the day that I’ve done nothing? Does a daily painting still count if it’s not figurative? And why am I being so hard on myself? Why not just let myself play and explore, and yes, maybe delve into my emotions?
Perhaps I am still off after that crazy nightmare the other night. Perhaps it’s anxiety building up before my trip. Did I mention I’m deathly afraid of flying? Well, I suppose it’s good to face one’s fears. On a canvas and in real life. I just wish I didn’t have to face them by sitting for ten hours in a metal box suspended at an unnatural altitude in very close proximity to strangers. Gah!
