Asparagus for Breakfast

Holly the Boston (aka @biggestdogintheuniverse) has had a rather boring time while I was preparing for my solo show. She decided to vent in a poem. Please excuse her language!

Asparagus for breakfast?

Now that takes the cake.

Da fuq am I?

A rabbit???

I understand my human had a party –

It was big and important

And involved art

(I hate art).

Other dogs were invited

But I was not

(I hate dogs).

It was at the gallery

(Now I kinda do like

The gallery.

It has a cool

Cement floor

And wooden stairs.

I love stairs)

And there were many people

(I like people)

And food

(I love food above all).

So after days of absence and neglect

What does my human bring me?

A tray, a whole tray

Of asparagus wrapped in prosciutto

(I do not disapprove

Of prosciutto.

It’s related to bacon).

And then this morning,

When she finally cracks open

The magical plastic

It’s all wrapped in

What does the foolish creature do?

She unwraps the asparagus

And slips

The salty pork goodness

Into her own mouth.

What do I get?


Da fuq?!?

I mean I ate it, but…

Then she proceeded to tell me

Prosciutto is too salty

For dogs.

And that she’s out of dog food

But will go out and buy some

After coffee.

(Everyone knows coffee takes forever!)

“Here, Boo Boo,

Have more asparagus!

And how about some pineapple?”

Good thing I love that bitch.

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