Don’t Fear Your Fears

Today was easily one of the best days of my life so far. It was the day of the Escapist Retreat. We got to tour a beautiful home full of amazing art (mostly by John Ross Palmer and various Escapists), got to meet a group of art collectors who gave us advice, and also a group of Escapists from previous cohorts who generously shared their experiences with us. The energy and sense of possibility were amazing! I found myself overwhelmed, in a totally great way, but overwhelmed no less! It’s been days now that the magnitude of the transformative power of this Escapist year has become clear to me. It made me dizzy, as if walking on air. I know a thing or two about transformations, you see. I’ve shed my skin once or twice, danced with flames, rose from ashes, that type of stuff. There are people who are the equivalent of a hurricane in your life. That is not a bad thing. They might bring intensity that is unbearable but they will help you grow new wings. So yes, I’ve had my share of metamorphoses. They’re thrilling, exciting, exhilarating, but they are in some ways goodbyes. You leave parts of yourself behind to embrace new ones. You’ll never be the same and that is scary. But scary is also not a bad thing, not when it’s part of taking a leap, putting yourself out there, opening up to the things you want.

A lot of inspiring things were said to me today and I did my best to write them down. One of them was “Don’t fear your fears.” I like that one a lot. Especially since any true Taurus girl is a chronic overthinker, and all Romanians I know are plagued with worry and anxiety. Fear, I guess, was written in the stars for me and packed lovingly into my cultural baggage. I have suitcases full of fears! I try not to overfeed them, but that’s hard when the poor hungry darlings cry at night. I might as well befriend these beasts if I’m to live with them, right? Perhaps if I learn how to tune in, my fears can even guide me.

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