Everybody Knows

This is a bleeding heart dove a photographer I follow on Instagram posted while traveling in Singapore. She’s been posting the most amazing pictures of birds, and frankly, I had no idea bleeding heart doves even existed.

As for me, I took myself to yoga today, also went to buy some office supplies I need for some very important correspondence I’ll be sending out soon, then did something I haven’t done in a very long time: I went to see a movie all by myself. I went to see Everybody Knows because I love love love Penelope Cruz. I think she’s the most beautiful woman. The movie was interesting, good acting, suspense and drama, but it really made me miss Spain. Not that I necessarily want to go back to visit during my upcoming Europe trip. I guess I could, and some of it would be exciting yet most of it not. The thing is, places are nice to visit, but after a while you long to have some context, some solid fabric of a life, and it is missing for me there though I tried so hard, for years, to create it. Of course, driving home from the movie theater in the rain, after a whole day spent by myself, I realize the fabric of my life is thin here too. Houston is starting to feel a little bit like my experience in Barcelona, me trying to entertain myself, going on solo adventures exploring, and eventually getting bored and restless. Of course, I did eventually meet people in Barcelona – and that is a tough city to meet people in – and here I already know a lot more people than I ever did there. But it’s something that’s followed me throughout my life everywhere I’ve been, this sensation that I’m trying to create a life for myself and failing, that I’m trying to infiltrate myself places where I don’t belong. Then again, maybe I need to be more patient. I haven’t lived here that long, at least not on a permanent basis, as shuffling back and forth to Beaumont created a disruption. I also haven’t been trying to do my own thing as an artist for long. “You can’t just always grab your little fur coat and leave,” John said to me yesterday. He says I have commitment issues, and I know he’s right. But what I am afraid is true about this world is that people tend to flock together in family structures and such, and if you happen to fall outside of those, you’re pretty much doomed to be a loner. I frankly find it to be a shortcoming of the human species, especially if you consider how confining most family structures are. Funny, the movie I saw today was mostly about mistrusting strangers and outsiders, when in fact (spoiler alert!) the real danger was someone very close. So, what does that tell you?

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